June 11th, 2001

MM2 ending

my summers of sadness

that last thing wasnt a birthday hint list. honestly. I would never ask my friends for things that cost over $20. of couse if someone got me something voer $20 I wouldn't refuse it, but I would feel bad because I'm always so cheap.
I dont really know what I want. I guess I kinda want action figures, like I should at least get Sagat and CHu-li. but I guess right now I just want,... I dont know.

I'm sad because the kittens died earlier this evening. They didn't die, they were actually put to sleep. even cracker jack. they just weren't eating, and weren't gonna make it, and their temp was like 10 degrees below what it sould have been. they were just failing like broken car with no gas and thoes little spare tires on them. It dosent really suprise me, though. Summer is the time for death. Since like 7th grade or something something, or someone I care about has died during the summer. usually it has been cats, but three times it's been friends. usually the earlier into summer the less the severity of the reprocussions. like this time, it's still the beginning of june, so the reprocussions arent too big. but like when my first Girlfriend died in late August right before freshmen year of High school or Adrian dieing in October they were greater. I'm glad I got the dying over with soon, so hopefully the pattern will continue and nothing more will happen this year. but still I'm sad. sad and drained. It's sad to think that like less then 12 hours I was holding them in my lap, and petting them, and watching cracker jack chase poor blind and confused gohan around the living room. I had a feeling that some of them would die, but not all of them, especially not cracker jack. I wish I had something to break, but I dont. I just kinda sit here, and feel this pain in my chest that is my emotions getting stuffed away. I've always wondered why it is that that happens. why your chest? why anything.

I'm not complaining. all this strife sure makes life interesting. and I'm always hoping intereseting stuff like this happens to me. it makes dramatic stories, and it gives me alot to think about, and put in perspective and stuff. I like to think that it makes me strong. and I really think it does. I always wonder If I am strong enough to handle stuff like this. I like to think that I am, but there is also a lot of places that I know I am deficent. that's just the fun part though, watching myself get stronger. it's fun, and it gives my life meaning. of course, as part of that, I need to teach other people about what I have learned. I hope people are learning from me. that's all that realy matters. even if I dont get to do anything, at least I've made people thnk. that's always been my goal. SOmetiems I forget it, but It's so engrained in my nature, that I've gotten in the habbit of doing it even when I'm not aware.
that's one of the things I should work on. i have alot to work on. like my comic, for example. man, I'm so tired, but I need to keep going. man, I"m drained, and I just want to play FF9. I want so much, I wonder how much I'll achieve.
  • Current Music
MM2 ending

more Kittens

I'm still thining about the kittens and about everything. I like reading Kevin's serious posts. blartd. I need to make CMH better. I want to sleep, but I dont, I dont know what I want. I think this is another time when I dont want anything. I dont want anything at all. this happens alot. in some ways it's nice, because there is nothing that I want and nothing I need to expend effort to get, but other times it's annoying, because there are things like sex or toys that I should want but just have no interest in right now.
I feel like I'm Dead. I'm a robot or a zombie. Like Bi-O in bust a groove 2, or the zombie from Powerstone 2. Zombies are pretty neat. I pretened to be a head-injury xzombie when I tried out. I had a big ace bandage around my head, and put ketchup on it. it looked like I was hella bloody and stuff. it was awesome. I want to be all bandaged up. Zombie. Dead.
righrt now i feel more like a zombie than a robot, cause robots can still do things. I'm just all sluggish, and sad, but not really sad, just kinda empty, therefor the default is sad, cause I'm not happy or angry. maybe I'm a little Jelouse of certain people that only one of you have met, but not enough to change mty facial expression.
you all remamber the storie I wrote about Zombie. that was neat. I wish there were zombie classes in more videogames. like Vincent. I never really got to play with vincent, since I skipped him when I went through ff7 the first time. Zombie. Zombie.
not only was he a zombie, but he was a pirate. I guess that's what I am. A zombie pirate. I wonder if you could have a robot zombie. like a robobt that's a zombie. but could you have a zombie robot? like the undead robot?
that would be neat. All this talk of zombies makes me want to play Castlevania. like the PSX version. except I dont really. I'm just gonna bask in the fun that was the game the first time I played it. I want the GBA version. parker has it. I dont know if it's wise to but games right now. I dont have much money.
my FF9 thing finally came. I need to e-mail the guy and thank him for finally shipping it. I should also try it out. magical Chinese VCDs.
I need to setup the PS2 DVD player. parker grumbled when I said that we were gonna just use that as the DVD player, cause it dosent have 5-1 for the audio out. but it dosenty really matter right now, cause we only have two speakers, and they ar built into the tv. does anyone care? no. but I'm sure someone bored will read this, even if it is just kevin. buh. I was thinking that I want more people to read this, but I really dont. I dont want anything. I just want to sit here and type. type type type. hahaha. I dont really have many personal or friends only entries, in case anyone was wondering. man.

I wish I didn't have to worry/ be responsible for other people. but I guess that's my role, cause I cant manage to do anything fo my self. tomorrow.k. f.a kfdskjfdskljgds kj g kjdskjg sao sak skj yes

typing getting to be too much work. my head hurts. need to shower, and take out contacts and update CMH and brush teeth. I play DDDR good now. must but Japanese games. must play 4th mix copy on ps2. yes.......,m sa,.msam
also, My family has less money now just cause there is like a dry spell at the company that my parents work at, so there's not a ton of extra money floating around.
Zombies are neat. why are they evil? I think Zombies are good. like happy zombies. I want to write a story about the happy zombie who helps people. like Hsien-ko! yes! I just remembered! she is the best ever! I want to be a cool zombie like her.
  • Current Music
Mega Man Party!

(no subject)

my monitor is getting bigger and bnigger. soon it will be like stans.
I want to go to sleep and not have to wake up to do anything.

but that will bnever happen. I'm a doing things kinda guy


ugh. Stupid desert palace in FF9. the candles werent the hard part, it was figuring out that you can go off the screen and on to the next part in certain places that made it take so long. stupid wierd level design. but the boss was funny cause he was easy. It took like at least 5 hours of that stupid candle place to finally figure out that you can walk past the moogle and get to the angle/devil place, and then figuring out that there was a lever to push to make the ladder go down was annoying too. I hope the next place isn't all stupid like that. but at least I got a lot of AP from it, especially since I was using the people who I hadn't been using much latetly. it was also annoying cause I had "healer" equiped on the claw guy, and I didn't know that turned his damage into healing damage, so I couldnt attack with him. at least he had chakra, which is an incredibally good move. it only takes 4mp, but fills up other people like 30-50mp and himself like 30mp, so you just keep having him do it over and over. I need to chores. like re-organize my room and stuff. I need to figure out how to have the subwoofer connected to the computer and the Video games without having to plug/unplug it. hrm... have an idea, but it's kinda stupid. at least I know my VCR works. year
  • Current Music
    i dont know


Please tell me what you are doing on the 4th of july. I'm thinking of having my birthday party then, cause hopefully most people will have it off, cause it's a national holiday.
It would be a fun morning ish party with DDR and other dumb stuff like eating. I bet we could bbq up some fun as well. yes. yesu! I will have japanese DDR! or I will explone!!!
  • Current Music
    Capcom Co., Ltd. - PharaohMan's Level Remix