One of the things that I learned in acting is that you should never cross your arms, because it closes you up. It's a really good acting tip, and when I see people crossing their arms, I think "oh look, they're closing themselves up. I don't think they meant to do that." It's really important to remember stuff like that. I like to think that I'm a good actor because I have such a good kinesthetic sense of myself. Although I don't know which is the cause, and which is the effect. Regardless, it's fun to think about how carefully I can change my meaning through relatively subtle manipulation of my stance, my face, my hands, my arms, whatever. I like to imagine that I can effect a feeling of awe in people just by the way I carry myself, and what not. It's fun, to feel this sense of power over other people by moving in such a way that they think I am what I want them to think I am. Sometimes I put on a weak and demure demeanor just to give the people who are watching me something to think about. Such as, "wow, that guy looks so lonely and helpless over there at the dining hall table by himself." I don't mind when people stare at me, because of my clothes, or my swagger, or my actions, because I've chose to communicate things through them that not everyone else does, and it's nice when people notice.
Busses are funny. All the weird people take the bus, and this is something I've discovered only since living at Porter College. I think mostly cause I never rode the bus before, and maybe cause I grew up in Palo Alto, where even the weird people drive cars, or they just aren't there. But anyway, the weird people are on the busses, and they really want to talk to you, and you can tell, because they're shuffling around in their seat, looking at you, and when they realize that they're not going to catch your eye, because you've suddenly had the urge to look into your backpack they look to the next victim. I feel kinda bad when I mutely stare out the window, pretending I know exactly where the bus is going, and I'm just some Jaded passenger. Because I think about how those poor simple people are probably desperately seeking out some company in their lonely lives. Or maybe they're not lonely, and that's just something that I've projected on to them from my own imagination land.
It's funny, cause when I actually do know where the bus is going, I look around the bus, excited and relaxed, and maybe even feel the same way. I don't know. Here is a picture of an Eva holding a guitar. I'm going to use it for Choji Moji merchandise:
One of the things about movement is confidence. You need to have confidence in your movements, and if you want to be dramatic, your actions need a beginning, middle, and an end. That's how you show your onlookers that you're strong and in charge. It's strange how addicted I've become to this feeling of power and macho gratification that comes with the silly posturing I do. Sometimes, I really think that people are afraid of me because of the outside me that they see. I don't really know why I keep up this secretiveness. I don't know� maybe someone will come along that I can actually talk to again. I haven't been able to really talk to anyone in too long, and I miss it.