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11 February 2001 @ 01:48 am
my night  
momoko hatesa me, and I'm nt suprised. uh... Iforgot wat I was going to say. but it's like there is constally a contest of egos and concitedness between us. iyt's silly, and it only happens with momoko. it's annoying. I wonder why. oh well, I guess I've done something to make her hate me. Tahat's not superings,I remember now what I wanted to tell her about why I dont want to lewt people get close to me, and that's becaue I'm stupid and hurt people, and so if you're superficial and not close to me, than I'll stay all nce and stuff, but if you get to know the real me,. than I'm not all nice. and she was so desperate to know the real me. It's just the crap that comes with being me I guess. I dont even remember what I was like in the beginning of the year to make her think anythig of me. then Adiran died, and I cANT REMEMBER ANYTHING BEFORE THAT AND AT SCHOIOL. i JUST REMEMBER THAT WAS TRYTING TO OPEN UP AND FIGURE OUT WHAT i WAS DOING (wow I accidentally put it on italics and capslock.) so then I was letting myself get emotional and then Aaron died, and I just closed up. It sucked Peop[le were making fun of me alot in momoko's room today, and even thought I know that everyone hates my music, and my pokemon, and everything I do, I dontlet it bnother me too much, but I was already feeling all grumpy and shit, and I didn't need to have people ytelling at me about how the A teens suck. Fuck you!!!!!! Cuck you!!!!!!!!! FUck you1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! man. I hope I dont let myself get angry. I'm gonna break something. I need to stay mellow or I'll just flip out and injur someone again. yeah. Louirna wants me to go to her room and say hi,. I think iwll. That scott guy was nice and so was that michale chap. I hope to become better friends with them. momoko is a fuck-head. she can go blow her self. Why the fuck do I need to listen to anylne else!?!?!?! I'm here for myself. that's what eveyone else is here for, it's certainly not for other peol;e. and stuff. everyopne can go fuck them selves. becca is right people suck. I want to just kill everyone like in columbine. well, maybe not like that. if I jkilled people , I would just take a nuke to the whole middle east (isreal and all the annoying people) and bomb them all and then let the afriacans repopulate it. you know what i dont understand? if ythe muyslims are supposed to give charities, why dont they just give one big, huge charity to the palestinies and give them a pice of thier land. but no... blah blah blha I'm a stingy muslim. I dont know. WHy the fuck is momoko alwayts on my case. Jerome didn't know my inner secrets, and we chilled all the time, despide certain people taking an objectional view to him. hrm. It's only 1:45 and it's time to go to sleep... or is it? well. since I have no changes of doing anything even remotly fun now. I fuewss I'll have to go. blah blah blah. Frustration. momoko blah blah blah... this was a stupid night. Stupid stupid stupid~!!!!! stupid!!!!!!!! STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!! look I can do html even when I'm druink. look .... fine dont look. it certainly wont be the first tiem. yeah. I dont care. lets just take the momoko path and tell everyone that I dont care.


Current Mood: angry and drunk
Current Music: I dont know
Patrickmcpat on February 11th, 2001 01:00 pm (UTC)
Come on chris give your self a break...
You say the really you is a jerk, I dont think so! I think I know the real you, and it is a good friend. And dont go get dead because I dont think I could take it. and Fuck anyone who thanks that your an ass hole they dont know your shit, that is not to say that I do, but I understand. You should talk to me more... but what ever. have some choclate it always makes me feel better.
MegaManmegaman on February 11th, 2001 03:29 pm (UTC)
Re: Come on chris give your self a break...
actually when I finally woke up at 1:30 int he afternoon, I had a bag of peanut M&Ms. Funny how I like the peanut ones now.
momokopeachchild on February 12th, 2001 01:14 am (UTC)

hey, you know i care more then i will ever admit to anyone, about you and about every thing, you know i don't hate you, i bother you too much to hate you.
momokopeachchild on March 22nd, 2001 02:56 am (UTC)
hey did you really mean all that stuff you said up there??? does alcohol make you honest or cloud your thought, i read through your drunken posts cause i needed a self esteem boost, fucked up isn't it, that this reminds me that we're friends still, lately i haven't been able to tell, i wish you would remind me, or reasure me, it getting harder and harder to convince myself that you care. even though you have shown me that you do on a couple of occations, remind me again will you, so that i might not feel like i am being weak if i come bother you in your room, or say hi to you at all. i don't understand why i feel like i have such a weird relationship with you, should i call it that? i can't tell if you think of me as your friend, what you say in things like this (above i mean) show me that you realize that weirdness between you and me, but then the way you act towards me, like, it just shows me that i am nothing to you, and it makes me sad. i wished we talked, some times i want to tell you things that happen in my life but i'm afraid you really don't care or want to know, i don't know what i'm saying, i always do this. write some meaningful fucking responce to something you wrote at a really late hour before i go to bed and say all these things that i would love to tell you in person, and talk to you about but i never have the guts and i write them all, then think about how you will respond and hope that suddenly everything will fall into place and when we come back from break i can sit in your room and not feel very unwanted, but i always forget that you won't respond, and you will just strengthen my belief that you don't want me as a friend, and that you don't want to know me, i need to stop doing this, i need to stop being so honest with you, but i really want you to know me. god just respond please, i hate being so unsure of myself.
MegaManmegaman on March 23rd, 2001 06:11 am (UTC)
i will show you pictures because I think you will be intertained. but more in an entertained sort of way.