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28 March 2006 @ 06:47 pm
 
once upon a time there were two children. They had no family, but they did have a dog. one of the kids was a girl, and one was a boy. They lived in the forest among the squirrels. the boy was named sara with no H, and the girl was named sarah with an H. Because they lived alone in the forest, they didn't have problems with their names because they just called each other "sara" or "sarah," and because they knew they weren't talking to themselves, it was understood that they were talking to the other sibling.
Sara and Sarah were very respectable children, always obeying their elders and washing behind their ears. Despite living alone in the woods, you would be unable to distinguish them from normal city children, (except maybe for the fact that they even had manners to speak of which many city children do not.)
Sara and Sarah's favorite activity was gathering food. They managed to turn this into a game; which you can imagine was good, because they didn't have any other fancy things to entertain themselves with like iPods or hoola hoops. Their favorite food was roasted squirrels, which they enjoyed lightly sautéed with garlic and mushrooms and a little big of moss and coconut oil (the oil gave it a somewhat exotic Tai flavour, would would tell themselves.) They did ever so enjoy their squirrel catching game as it gave them both excitement and entertainment as well as some food for their child-like bellies. What was this game you ask? The game is very similar to what you or I would call "Poker" seven card stud. Sara and Sarah called "Yammers," named after what they called cooked squirrel.

Early in the morning, the siblings would pepper the ground outside their dwelling with sunflower seeds, acorns, pine nuts, and corn. Hungry Squirrels would scamper down the trees and stuff their cheeks with the assorted nuts. As they were doing so, Sara would politely invite them in for a game of yammers. She would coax hesitant squirrels by explaining the game of yammers is simultaneous fun, exciting and holds the promise of getting even more food. Eager to further engorge their cavernous Gullets, all squirrels were eventually lured inside. Once inside the beasts were seated upon a tall oaken stool around a medium sized round pinewood table. The rules were hastily explained along with the nut based money system and the dire consequences of a game poorly played. To this date, every squirrel whom has seated themselves upon the oaken stool has fancied themselves clever enough to outwit sara and sarah at what appeared to them a simple game of chance and bluffing. After all, they were often say to themselves, I've managed to unlock doors, and escape from any other traps humans have set; why should this prove any different? Assurant in their victory and subsequent safe egress from the abode of sara and Sarah, the selfish squirrel paid no heed to Sarah's warning and chose to play the game regardless.
Sara and Sarah would trade off the role of dealer. Initially they would switch every other squirrel but soon grew tired of the predictable nature of the procession. Soon they devised a system whereas if the squirrel was over 6.5 inches tall when sitting straight up on the stool Sara would deal, conversely if the squirrel was 6.5 inches or less Sarah would deal. The Games would typically begin as poker games typically do with a little small talk and two-of-a-kinds. By the fourth or fifth hand the squirrels were typically feeling pretty good about themselves. Sara and Sarah relied on the fact that the squirrel was neither good at the game of Yammers nor was he paying much attention to anyone's cards but his own. Sarah and Sara on the other hand watched each and every card as it was played. They, unlike the squirrels, were veterans at the game of yammers and knew that they would receive a far larger pay off by memorizing the order of the cards than winning over a few extra sunflower seeds early on. Letting the Squirrel think it was winning increased the lack of care the squirrel afforded to the game - making it an even easier mark when it was finally time for Sara and Sarah to strike.
Rounds passed and eventually the supply of fresh cards in the deck would become exhausted. it is at that precise moment that Sara and Sarah would allow a oft, subtle smile to creep across their faces. The next hand dealt came from the supply of cards that had already once been passed around the table that game, the supply of cards that Sara and Sarah had memorized the exact order of and were silently keeping track of in their head. What you ask? Weren't the cards shuffled you say? That in lies the key difference between the game you and I know and love, and the game of sport devised by the young Sara and Sarah. For you see, if they shuffled the cards they would have a much more difficult time ensuring their meal.
As the Cards round the tables a second time, Sara and Sarah put a little pressure on the cocky squirrel. Rather than turning the tables in one fell swoop, Sara and Sarah would win a few small hands, and then bet big when they knew they would lose to the squirrel, allowing it's rapacious noggin to swell with unfounded confidence, further reducing its awareness of the slowly closing noose Sara and Sarah had prepared. Sara and Sarah sometimes had difficulty disguising they excitement when they allowed themselves to lose big against the squirrel's better hand, the thought of the forthcoming sautéed squirrel meal would drive their salivary glands into a frenzy.
Verily by the fourth time through the deck of cards, Sara and Sarah knew the order of the cards by heart. The third time the Jack of Diamonds appeared served as their silent cue to begin the final and most entertaining part of the game at which Sara and Sarah had to guile and cajole the squirrel into loosing its entire earning in as few hands as possible. A little flattery, a little poor hiding of their cards or their enthusiasm, and in less than five hands the squirrel was down to almost nothing. It would happen so quickly, and after such as steady string of success that the squirrel would think it nothing more than a spot of bad luck.
It is at this point that Sara and Sarah would convince the squirrel to go all in as they felt sorry for it and would go all in as well. Surely, they would remind it, squirrel as clever as it could not possibly lose after doing so well for so long. The selfish and careless squirrel would agree and Sara and Sarah would reveal their winning hands, committing the squirrel to sticking around for dinner.
It's impossible to say exactly what went through the mind of those squirrels cocky and careless enough to begin a game of yammers against Sara and Sarah, however it's safe to say they were probably none too happy. Or maybe they were! After al, I did say it was impossible to say what went through their minds.
I can tell you, that Sara and Sarah were usually quite pleased as they butchered and cook the little squirrel. And they were even more pleased as they ate it.

The end!
 
 
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