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12 September 2006 @ 03:09 pm
part 1  
hello. i am in the main room of the hostel. by main roomm, i mean i am in the lounge and there are free computers here. also a tv. it:s nice here, it's a good recomendation from Bahia-chan. I will go here someother time. perhaps....

So burning man was recently. and i took a bunch of photos. I would have to say that there was only 6 pictures of me that i liked, and only 3 that i would be able to show. mostly i am fat looking. i compared to last years photos, and yes i am noticibly fatter. but we had a good time. it was a very different experince compared to going with ben. primarilay the absence of ben and the giant dome made a huge difference, as thoes two elements attracted many people to our camp. also ben is both high energy, and had already had his first year where you kinda chill out and take everything in and so when i was with him he wanted to do stuff all the time, which was really good because doing things is great.
I did take many good pictures this year, much more photos of people and stuff, plus i brought my nice SLR which was totally a fucking good idea. it got covered in playa, but it the photos were totally worth it. I'm glad alex turned out to be photogenic and enjoy having his picture taken, because he made a good subject. I definantly want to make prints of some BM photos this year, and I think the most interesting ones are some of the ones of him in the desert. So many thoes will make it on the walls. there are many other people here, but They arent too talkative. most speak english, but some dont.
Anyway, burning man was fun. I think going with helen and alex was bizzare, but in a good way. Definantly not something that I would have thought i would be doing, but we were able to have some good intamate conversations, which was good for me, and maybe for them as well? i can:t truly say.
So I got back at like 5 in the morning, and passed out on the couch until my mom came out and woke me up at like 7am. so i kinda got 2 hours of sleep. the first thing I did was check my email and of course found out that Jewels had died while I was away. I also found out that there was a thing at the children's theatre that afternoon for her. I hate thoes things. I am utterly depressed that I have not done enough with my life to deserve a memorial somewhere else if I were to die today. but memorials are weird in general but i digress... Yeah, so I spent the rest of the morning in a bizzare yet lucid state talking to jessie F and Caitlin and Mike and stuff, while also looking over the burning man photos, and thinking about my pending trip to japan. Thinking about the stuff we talked about in burning man, and how I was already not doing the things I said I needed to do. Why am I so Lazy? I hate it. It's a bizzare and surreal thought knowing Jewels is gone, so... random. I am sad that I didn:t get to help her pick out a new computer. I mean, not long previous to it, We were on stupid boardwalk rides together. bleep bloop. It led me to think of some story ideas. I should have sat down and started writting, but my lazyness just got in the way. I let myself rationalize being lazy and not starting by saying "oh, I:m tired, i just need some time to decompress from burning man and sit." but oh well. do i benefit by beating myelf up like this? maybe not. or maybe. I have no idea anymore, I just do it habitually. but yeah. that was a bizzare morning. plus I smelled really bad, like ass crack sweat and mildew and sweat and dirt.
so I also didn:t call bahia, or ever e-mail her to try and get ready to meet up in japan. Why didn:t i do that earlier? its the same thing I guess... lazyness. plus i was embarrased that I hadnt contacted her earlier, and so was almost afraid that she:d be mad or something. I don:t know I guess that dosen:t make sense, but that:s kinda what I was thinking. welllllll. I was also depressed at how fat I looked in my burning man pictures.
So, That evening I spent a few hours with caitlin Gerdrum. that was nice. we get along well, and even though she is like 6 years younger than me she is a good person to talk to. We went to the new fandango pizza location in midtown, and it was cool the pizza was coo, l and there was some bluegrass fiddelers. Then I went to nathan:s house that evening. and stayed there over night and into the next day. that was nice and relaxing until i took out my prince albert for an hour and then couldn:t get it back in, and somehow made myself bleed all over when I tried. So i eventually gave up and by the end of the night it had completly closed up and that sucked.
I was really depressed and worn out the next day because of that and just all the other stuff that had happened, but it really made me feel like a failure. and I really liked it too! I:m gonna need to get some new genital piercing, but I dont think anything can really compare to the reverse prince albert. but i dont think i can get it re-done becuase now there is a thing of scar tissue there. I was totally going to increase the guage too! man. i am sad.
of course, it was kinda a nuciance, and it kinda hurt me all the time, and bruised the inside of my ureathera and made me drip pee and i couldn:]r wear tight underwear, but i really did like the way it looked. now all thats left is a little pimple looking thing on the top of my glanus. yeah, that really depressed me.
I figured out where i want to get a tattoo. It will be a surprise, but I have two places I want tattoos, and they are both kinda silly, but at the same time, its like you only live once and so i should just do things. That:s kinda why i got my Prince albert (aside from liking the way it looked) but to just prove to myself that I am not afraid of things.
While at burning man there was a place that was giving free piercings, and I wanted to get my left nipple pierced, but i never did because they were busy or hung over or rad out of sterile needles. so oh well, back to staircase i go, i guess.
its too bad helen is too special to read or write in her livejournal.
My mom yelled at me alot for the day i spent at nathans house, lime "why are you screwing around when you know you need

On the 9th was my mothers 60th birthday. I kinda forgot. and didn:t do anything, or even say anything because I am a shitty selfish person. I've been trying to think of gifts to get people while I'm here but nothing is leaping out at me, and i can only think of myself. how did i get so selfish? Its so fucking lame. I feel like i7m just wasting money here and like drinks and food and stuff and not really enjoying it. but then, not enjoying it is kinda the story of my life.
Tags: ,
Current Mood: complacentcomplacent
Current Music: some japanese pop
Sirisiriously on September 12th, 2006 08:16 am (UTC)
Well here I am, it's about 1am and I decided to check out my live journal, and there your entry was. There is a lot I could comment on or say something about but mostly I just want to give you a hug and tell you that you've got a shoulder to lean on and a foot to help kick you forward. Some things I know you've got to do on your own, but you're never alone. We could assign blame for laziness or lack of motion but I think it's just more important to keep trying even if we fuck up a lot, even if there are some times broken commitments. Things can be better, events can transpire more fluidly. I guess intention, communication, and action just need to synchronize more smoothly. I'm willing to keep sticking it out till we get it right ;). *Big Hug*
Jesus Northbahia on September 13th, 2006 12:48 pm (UTC)
i am not mad that you didn't contact me earlier, but I only vaguely knew that you were coming to Japan and I didn't know when. If I had known the details maybe I could have come to meet you in Tokyo. But it's not good timing because I am going to that wedding next weekend. blah. So I don't know. I kind of feel that it would be a waste of you and Parker's time to come all the way to Gunma to pretty much do nothing.. but I am sad to miss you. But it's not that bad because I know I'll see you again, the next time I am in California. I think you should find something that you and Parker will both enjoy. Go to Tokyo Sea or Fuji Q Highlands. well, if you like amusement parks. I am rambling.

Thank you for updating. I can't wait to see your BM pictures.
WaterPillowwaterpillow on September 16th, 2006 05:27 pm (UTC)
I hope you are having a good time in Japan, though I am really sad that I missed you since I am home right now. I can't believe that I missed a whole day of class and was instead, home at santa cruz. Every time i go to santa cruz it reminds me of you, but any ways, I wanted to say hi and I want to see your burning man pictures. You should email me when you put them up so that I know when and wear to look. It seems like you had a good time which is always the idea. "might as well have a good time with the little time we have."
Stay motivated and take lots of showers. I hope to see you during christmas time!